Vodka: My Ex-Friend
365 days of change. Change in my emotions. Change in my thoughts. Change in my body shape and size. Who knew one thing could have such an impact on you as a person and the way you live your life?
I only began drinking at the age of 18 (5 years ago) and I went through vodka like it was free. I started my relationship with vodka on the night of my debs and soon, the feeling of hazy freedom took over my social encounters whenever possible. It was my friend. My crutch. Through abusive relationships and wild pub crawls, it was always there for me.
Until last year. I turned on my current boyfriend for a solid month. I was like Jekyll and Hyde. I'd wake up to find myself a sleep with the covers wrapped around me, and my boyfriend either curled up at the end of the bed or on the floor. I'd feel the trapped feeling in my chest that I had done it again. I had lashed out. Told him to leave. I pushed him away. He is the best guy I have been with and my vodka crutch that supported me through the harder times was now ruining my good times. It had to go, and so it did.
It was confusing finding a new alcohol to fill my hands while enjoying a night out. I tried going back to being able to dance and laugh without it's poisonous influence, but I felt awkward and uncomfortable. I had relied on vodka too much and now I was stuck in this life long habit of drinking. Over time I learned to consume less toxic spirits and stick to softer drinks like cider. However, as I learn more and more, there will never be "a healthy alcohol" and that's tough for me to comprehend. Yet, I know I'm better without vodka, just not ready to let go completely of alcohol.
I am Irish, after all!
I see a lot of relationships being formed and developed into more than just two people through alcohol (making babies for those of you who are like, whaaa?). But I've also seen them screw up. A lot still stay together 'because they treat me so well when they're sober.' But is that really what you want to say on your death bed? That you spent your life dreading drinking because of how the people around you could turn? Well, okay, as long as they're nice when they're sober, that's a good reason to stay together.
All I wanted to say with this post is that if something like alcohol is fucking with any aspect of your life, then change it. Change your habit. Change the drink. Change something. Because, as awful as it may sound, it could be the end of you, your relationships and possibly your life.
Don't let a wonderfully hazy-turned psychotic drunken experience dictate how you feel, who you hurt and what you say. Be smart about it.
Don't be a dope.
Coming from a true dope.